idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
