Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
