I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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