I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize