Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
