Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
