I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
