oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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