forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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