I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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