So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
