I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
