Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
