sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
