I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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