Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
