omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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