Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize