cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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