Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
im on a boat
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