i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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