i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
