I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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