My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
