Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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