Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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