I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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