Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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