it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
