1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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