Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
