is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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