My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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