So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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