if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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