I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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