My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
