mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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