when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
