so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
