Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
