I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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