Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
