K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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