what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize