I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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