it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
