So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Your tits are I can't wait for
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
