No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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