Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
