I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
