I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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