No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
