woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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