Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
