Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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