the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
