I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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