i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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