Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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